Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
She needs sedatives and a leash
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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