ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
