those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
