Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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