You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
