my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
