i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I think my moral compass just broke
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
