I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.