Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.