You did not just play the dead husband card again.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Walk of Shame today included voting.
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all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
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David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.