those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
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if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
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Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.