I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?