You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
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this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after