just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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