They should really pass out barf bags in church
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
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My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
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Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
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