put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
