they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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