Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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