I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
