I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
