She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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