you would pick up someone in the library
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
