I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
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