Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
