Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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