I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous