he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful