rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I stole a fireplace last night.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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