Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
