I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
