We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
