I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
