spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
