I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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