He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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