i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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