You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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