giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
third nipple confirmed
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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