im six kinds of drunk right now
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
