Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
