Can i not drive my cunt home
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
