Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
