Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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