Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
