After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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