i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
