I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
