Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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