It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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