all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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