i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Nobody cheats on THIS.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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