Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
