you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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