Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
