It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
