my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
