You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
