I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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