If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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