When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
