let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
