No, you can still breathe under the balls.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
