Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
