I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
