I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
