I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
