My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
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So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
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My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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