I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
