Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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