Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
