So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize
