Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
