mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
