i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize