im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
