i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
